Procrastination Party Presidential Headquarters
(Coming Soon)

The major political parties in this country have completely lost touch with the American people. The true Spirit of America does not support the agendas of the Republicans or the Democrats. Honest, everyday Americans have no agenda. The true American Spirit is sitting on the couch, watching television. The real American Spirit probably watches whatever's on next because it doesn't want to look for the remote. It is long past time for all of us as American citizens to let our voices be heard and tell the government that we don't like Doing Things or Having To Work. That is why the Procrastination Party was eventually founded.

Procrastination 2004 Ticket:

President: pyre
Vice President: To Be Announced
Campaign Manager: Some Guy, we forgot to ask his name.

Press Release:

November 3rd, 2004
Cleveland, OH
The Procrastination Party announced this morning the beginning of its massive voter registration drive program in preparation for the presidential election. Some party officials were found at a local mall, milling about trying to get people's attentions while other volunteers began working on signs with recently-purchased markers and posterboard. Turnout for the event could be charitably referred to as "low."
"Our analysts have determined and also heard on TV that voter turnout will be the key to winning the presidency this year," explained a Procrastination Party official. "We feel that making sure our base is registered will be integral to getting a few votes this time out." When reporters pointed out that the 2004 presidential election had in fact already happened the day before, the official offered the following statement:
"You're shitting me. This is some sort of dirty trick to keep the 3rd party- okay, like the 17th party voice from being heard! Oh yeah? Well if the election was yesterday, then who won?" Given the morning's deadlock over Ohio, reporters admitted that he did have them there.
Later that afternoon, reporters tracked down perenial procrastination party presidential hopeful pyre to get his response to Senator Kerry's concession speech to President Bush. pyre was found in a Cleveland nightclub wearing a silk bathrobe and what appeared to be a bandolier made of condom packages.
"It doesn't matter if Kerry conceded already," slurred the candidate in between sips of a martini, "Because I have not conceded yet, and in keeping with the traditions that my party, I dare say that this very country, was founded upon, I may never get around to conceding this election. In addition, I feel that the Washington-insider politicians and the media have gravely mislead my fellow Americans as well as my fellow self. I have been here in Ohio all day because the pundits and polls led me to believe that Ohio was 'the swingingest of the swing states.' In support of these claims of swinging, I have not seen any evidence! In fact, during my time here I have not gotten any, either. Hey, how're you doin'?"
Further questions were ignored by pyre, who appeared to be ogling the waitress.

Previous Press Releases


A complete and detailed history of the Procrastination Political Party can be viewed here. It should provide you with all the information on the PPP you need for your school reports or whatever.


The Procrastination Political Party has taken a decisive stand on all of the relevent issues this year. Except for the ones we're still arguing about. And the ones we haven't started discussing. I think somebody said there were a few of them we didn't hear about, too. But you can still read all about our stand on the issues.


In addition to the Presidential Campaign there may be Procrastination Party candidates who're going to run in local elections in your area pretty soon. You can check our list of local- Okay, nevermind. I didn't get a chance to finish that page either, so just check if there's a Procrastination Party member on the ballot for your local elections please. Or ask around, because we hear there's this form you have to turn in or something to actually get on the ballot, so they might just be thinking about a write-in campaign instead.

Link Banners:

Show your support for the Procrastination Party's year 2004 presidential run by displaying one of these banners. Please link to "" whenever you get around to it. Um, we'll make some new banners for 2004 sometime too, but use these for now.



In the meantime, why don't you go spend some time with your crotch or maybe get some Dating Advice, hmm?