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2/3/04 - 3:17pm
A few people have periodically asked me recently what I had decided to do with Allen and my marriage. Why would they think anything had changed from when he moved out? I have been loving the time I have had to get to know myself over the last couple of months and have found that I’m not as bad as I thought I was. Most of the time.I tried to not fail my marriage starting in spring of last year, and gave up several months later so no one could tell me I didn’t try. I tried to talk to him about our indifferences and he just wanted to argue. I don’t argue; I walk away. We only had sex like a half dozen times within months and months. How’s that for a marriage? We disagreed on everything that was important in life but agreed on everything that didn’t matter. He had kept me cooped up with him being a homebody for the past 5 years and when I finally figured out that I didn’t have to set at home and do nothing, he tried to take it away from me. He succeeded in flipping my world upside down on many occasions and a few that I can never forgive him for. A couple that hurt me worse than my son’s dad ever could have when he was kicking my ass. Never. I cannot forgive the things he did behind my back not because I don’t love him but because everything I found out along the way makes him a completely different person and it’s not that person that I love.
In conclusion…yes, I have made up my mind and I am not returning to Allen. I am not attracted to him anymore for one thing, and I have gotten a taste of freedom which I am not ready to give up yet. Some things I can just never forgive….taking away the things I loved in my life is one of them.