The Original David Bowie's Area Webpage





This webpage contains some questions that may be considered "too personal" in some jurisdictions and should not be read by anyone under the age of interrogatory consent for their present location. It also contains intimations that since David Bowie's Area is all around us, permeating the air and in our bodies, and therefore should not be read by anyone who ever wants to think of their various bodily orifices the same way again.

Bowie's Area...

The David Bowie's Area Purity Test

This is a simple test to check just how much David Bowie's Area has had an impact on your life, or rather how much of Its impact you've noticed. The test is currently in its 94-point version, with more questions to be added whenever we accumulate enough for reasonable increments. For more purity tests go to The Armory's Test Page and have fun. The 500 Point Omnisexual test is considered the standard by the DBA Institute and Friends(tm).

Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes".
The "submit" button is at the bottom.

Have you ever:
  1. Known who David Bowie is?
  2. Noticed that David Bowie's Area bulges more than most people's?
  3. Noticed that he frequently wears outfits that accentuate this effect?
  4. Been thankful for that?
  5. Been told about, or read about, how David Bowie's Area is present everywhere in the entire universe(and others)?
  6. Accepted it as fact?
  7. Been relieved/grateful/elated to find out that somebody else thought about David Bowie's Area what you'd already suspected or believed?
  8. Actually sat down and thought about how David Bowie's Area is constantly surrounding and pervading your body?
  9. Been unable to stop smiling because of that?
  10. Then stuck out your tongue and left it there, maybe wiggling it a little?
  11. Recalculated your normal Purity Test score based on your knowledge of David Bowie's Area's omnipresence?
  12. Wept uncontrollably?
  13. Explained David Bowie's Area to someone who was previously unaware?
  14. Until they were noticably disturbed? (twitching, convulsions, dry heaves, running away, etc)
  15. Used alcohol to lower someone else's inhibitions for the purpose of telling them about David Bowie's Area?
  16. Used alcohol to lower your own inhibitions for the purpose of telling someone else about David Bowie's Area?
  17. Accidently said something about David Bowie's Area around your family/coworkers/minister before realizing they'd have no idea what you were talking about?
  18. Intentionally said something about David Bowie's Area around your family/coworkers/minister because they'd have no idea what you were talking about?
  19. Curled into the fetal position on Troll's beanbag chair and screamed "Areaaaaaaaaaaaa..." until you ran out of breath?
  20. Seen a sign saying something along the lines of "Area Rugs" and just started laughing your head off?
  21. Used "David Bowie's Area!" or any variation thereof as an expletive?

  22. Watched Labyrinth?
  23. Watched Labyrinth just to look at David Bowie?
  24. Watched Labyrinth just to look at David Bowie's Area?
  25. Watched Labyrinth on a first date?
  26. Used "Hoggle" as a verb, because of the part after the oubliette when Hoggle begs "Not the bog of eternal stench!"?
  27. Used Hoggle as a... well, let's just say "USED Hoggle?"
  28. Dressed up as Jareth?
  29. Stuffed your pants/tights while dressed up as Jareth?
  30. Stuffed your pants/tights with something larger than a breadbox while dressed up as Jareth?
  31. Stuffed your pants/tights with something larger than yourself while dressed up as Jareth? (send me pictures)
  32. Watched The Man Who Fell to Earth?
  33. Rewound The Man Who Fell to Earth to watch that one particular scene over again?
  34. More than three times in a row?
  35. Do you at least know what scene we're talking about?
  36. Have you made anyone watch that scene because they thought Bowie stuffed his tights in Labyrinth?
  37. Made anyone watch that scene out of shear sadistic glee?
  38. Watched The Man Who Fell to Earth in mixed company?
  39. Watched Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars?
  40. Discussed which of Ziggy's stage outfits best showed off his Area?
  41. Argued over whether or not Bowie was totally naked during the dressing room scene where he's sitting in a chair with his feet up?
  42. Been on the "naked" side of that argument?
  43. Been naked during that argument?
  44. Watched a portion of any David Bowie movie in slow motion or frame-by-frame to get a better look at Bowie's Area?
  45. Watched any David Bowie movie while under the influence of psychedelic or mind-altering drugs to get a better look at Bowie's Area?

  46. Seen The David Bowie's Area Webpage?
  47. Shown anyone else The David Bowie's Area Webpage, or given them the URL?
  48. Shown anyone else The David Bowie's Area Webpage, or given them the URL with an ulterior motive?
  49. Used The David Bowie's Area Webpage as your homepage?
  50. Read the entire FAQ?
  51. Read the DBA Message Board?
  52. Posted on the DBA Message Board?
  53. Used or tried to use the DBA Message Board to pick up members of the opposite sex?
  54. Used or tried to use the DBA Message Board to pick up members of the same sex?
  55. Used or tried to use the DBA Message Board to pick up "members"?
  56. Stared at any one picture on the DBA Webpage for more than 4 minutes? (the background counts)
  57. Submitted ideas/pictures/poetry/stories/etc to the DBA Webpage?
  58. And had them put up?
  59. Checked the DBA at least once a day for over a week?
  60. For over a month?
  61. For long enough to know damn well that pyre doesn't update that often, but you kept checking anyway?
  62. Been on the DBA Mailing List (before it was disbanded)?
  63. Owned a David Bowie's Area T-shirt
  64. Worn a David Bowie's Area T-shirt in public?
  65. Worn nothing but a David Bowie's Area T-shirt?
  66. Worn nothing but a David Bowie's Area t-shirt in public?
  67. E-mailed pictures of yourself wearing nothing but a David Bowie's Area T-shirt in public to members of the DBA Institue?

  68. Noticed references to Bowie's Area in a David Bowie song?
  69. Listend to David Bowie songs specifically to try to hear references to his Area?
  70. Heard references to Bowie's Area that probably weren't actually there, or were different from the printed lyrics?
  71. Heard references to Bowie's Area in songs by artists other than David Bowie?
  72. Wrote a song about David Bowie's Area?
  73. Performed a song about David Bowie's Area in a public venue?
  74. Been reminded of the Babe?
  75. Been reminded of the Babe with the Power?
  76. Reminded someone else of the Babe with the Power of Voodoo?
  77. Told someone that they do remind you of the Babe with the Power of Voodoo?

  78. Found yourself strangely drawn to David Bowie for unknown reasons?
  79. Been sexually attracted to David Bowie?
  80. Been physically attracted to David Bowie? (Note: different from previous question. We mean as in an actual attractive force, such as magnetism or gravity.)
  81. Stopped to smell the Area?
  82. Smelled salty air and didn't think of the ocean?
  83. Fantasized about David Bowie?
  84. Fantasized about David Bowie's Area?
  85. Fantasized about just the Area, without thinking about David Bowie?
  86. Fantasized about David Bowie's Area while you were with another person?
  87. Used the David Bowie's Area Webpage to help with these fantasies?
  88. Fantasized about the David Bowie's Area WebMonkey? (please?)
  89. Wished you were David Bowie?
  90. Wished your boyfriend or husband was David Bowie?
  91. Wished your girlfriend or wife was David Bowie?
  92. Wished for ALL of the last three at the Same Time?
  93. Actually been David Bowie?
  94. Decided to not sue the David Bowie's Area WebMonkey? (This one only counts if you actually are David Bowie. Sorry.)