Guest Week? 4: Welbus Dizau

The Eunuch's Letter to the Grand Sultan

I've just been sitting here thinking about things for awhile. Not exactly a good thing for me especially when I'm alone. Like I said the other day, I feel as I'm getting nowhere. I don't know what to do anymore. Sure, I have people to hang out with all the time, but, it's not exactly helpful all the time. I was fine until the last week or so. Then, Saturday night’s episode happened and I don't even know why. All of a sudden, even small things are getting to me. Like earlier today. I'm sorry for yelling at you, I just don't want to see you suffer anymore than you have. I'm just starting to not enjoy things that I found fun before. Mostly like hanging out with my friends here. Not all of them, just a couple. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm failing you by not being positive like I've been trying to do. I just have a hard time finding that mood right now. Everyone else just seems happy most of the time. I know you're not all the time, but you do remain positive, which is great. I dunno, I've felt this way before and eventually it went away. This time it just seems so much bigger. I tried to further myself for over 2 years and now it's all gone. It's like I'm starting all over again. I hate it. A lot of it has to do with me being back here. I can't stand it. I don't know why, I just can't. Well, I've been typing this for about an hour now. It would have been better to actually talk to someone, but this is fine. Sorry if this sounds pathetic, but needed to get it out.