The Quiet Ones

Recently a friend and I were discussing the powers of social observation. I explained "See, this is what us quiet guys sitting off to the side at the party are doing the whole time, watching people and working out these social theories." It was then pointed out to me that being shy is not the same as being smart, and most of the quiet guys aren't coming up with these brilliant observations. We eventually concluded that they think they are, just aren't good at it, and the observations usually take the form of "I bet that chick would like me if [fill in the blank.]

Provided for your amusement then, are some of the blanks for a few of the quiet guys I have known. If you think you're on this list and are insulted, well, so am I. If I can live with it, so can you.

R: [I tell her every single detail about this new videogame she's never heard of.]

M: [she weren't such a slut, and I lectured her on her lifestyle choices.]

W: [I hung out with her for at least a year as a friend and wait for her to suddenly realize there's something between us.]

B: [I were someone other than Me.]

C: [she was a guy.]

D: [I'd met her online instead of at this party.]

T: [she had any understanding of advanced non-linear mathmatics as applied to social aesthetics and attractive interaction.]

K: [I'd only realize that she's been flirting with me for over an hour, thinks I'm really hot, and wants me to head to the back bedroom with her right now.]