Uncle Bowie's ABZ's

From DBA to DBZ, the New Alphabet

DBA David Bowie's Area, of course. The starting point of all things, the universal and omnipresent Area. What more needs to be said?

DBB Drivers Behaving Badly is a research project about bad driving in television and movies. The idea is that children watching Speed Racer may grow up to drive really fast. The "clickable Index of actual observations made while watching television" is freaking hilarious. Apparently bad driving influences include everything from Voltron to NASCAR, to Dukes of Hazzard(no way!), to Nissan commercials. They're trying to tell you that when you're on a motorcycle being chased by a killer cyborg in a semi-truck you should always be "looking both ways before entering or crossing a road" and whatever you do while fleeing certain death at the hands of a machine sent from the future to kill you, don't speed! I could devote a whole new webpage just to making fun of this page and the two Ph.D.'s who run it.

DBC Dansk Biblioteks Center is not in fact a major techno rave dance club, but actually a company that provides information for all Danish libraries. Imagine my surprise, dissappointment.

DBD Dead By Dawn, Evil Dead 2 is a wonderfully messed up movie. It's one of the funniest horror movies ever, and for once you know you're laughing with it's makers, not at them. Making fun of horror conventions while still managing some good scares, Dead By Dawn has everything a scary movie needs: zombies, a shotgun, a chainsaw, counterproductive idiot hicks, and Bruce "Jesus Christ" Cambell. Also home to the unforgettable Evil Dead Cam, and the most rational thing ever said in a flick: "Why the hell would we want to do that?"

DBE Digital Business Ecosystem is "a special Internet-based environment in which businesses will be able to interact with each other in very effective and efficient ways." In other words, DBE is using the Internet to create... the Internet. Apart from a lot of buzzwords and corporate/technical gibberish, they seem to be selling a product that doesn't actually DO anything. Unless you read a little deeper and find the references to their online business software "evolving" and "growing to meet future needs," which of course means that Skynet will control the economy, not the military. Great.

DBF Diesel Boats Forever is all about submarines, by a man who loves submarines, submarine life, java applets, and probably other men. There's tons of stories that are probably very interesting if you like the idea of being sealed in a big chunk of steel and trapped underwater for months at a time, and also for some reason a list of "Guam Factoids." This page reminds me of a joke. What's long and hard and full of seamen?
Answer: David Bowie

DBG Dicing Before Grinding: Is it an extremely repetitious culinary process? Is an unseemly combination of crap-shooting and lurid dancing? Is it playing tabletop RPGs before leveling up in online RPGs? No. Apparently it's a method for cutting wafers for tiny circuit boards. Or something. I don't really know, they talk a lot about wafers and there's a few mentions of electronic products, so it's got to be something like that.

DBH Dominion Behavioral Healthcare may seem like an innocent and unassuming psychobabble business at first glance. If you ask me, though, anybody who has a "behavioral health group" and puts Dominion right in the company's name just isn't trying hard enough to hide their brainwashing program. The most interesting part of DBH's webpage is the Neurofeedback section. They want to treat kids with Attention Deficit Disorder by having them control a video game with their brainwaves. Yep, playing Nintendo directly with your mind is going to increase your attention span.

DBI

DBJ

DBK

DBL The Death Boarder League is in the Iron Federation of the Imaginary Wrestling Association, which, it turns out, is a play-by-mail wrestling organization. Yep, folks, PLAY-BY-MAIL WRESTLING. Precisely what that has to do with snowboarding, the apparent theme of this particular league, is utterly beyond us. We tried to come up with more jokes about the Death Boarder League, but we honestly couldn't come up with anything funnier than Play-By-Mail Wrestling itself.

DBM

DBN Da Brat News is everything you ever wanted to know about bratwurst and bratwurst-related current events, as of February 1, 1997 anyway. The news seems somewhat biased, as every article seems to be more about making you want to eat bratwurst or wear giant foam bratwurst on your head. I really wish this page was actually updated, ever.

DBO

DBP

DBQ Detroit Bible Quizzing sounds pretty self explanatory, BUT they have varsity, junior varsity, individual, and team quizzing! BAHahahahahahaa! "There will be 6 prelim rounds for all teams to cap their season, and then it breaks into a knock-your-socks-off tournament like none other. So bring everyone you can grab, and come expecting to see God move!" Truly, competitive trivia is the most profoundly religious experience today's young people can hope for. Check out their website for Upcoming Events, League Statistics and email addresses of quizzers near you, not to mention a photo album so you can see who you'll be throwing down with at the next big Quiz-Off!

DBR

DBS

DBT

DBU Deutsche Buddhistische Union or, in english: the German Buddist Union, is exactly what it sounds like. "Since 1903 we can observe activities of Buddhists in Germany." Note that this period includes the 30s and 40s, a time when Germans were famous for their religious tolerance. But to get the full entertainment out of this link you have to rely on your own preconceptions and stereotypical images. First, picture a typical German (WWI pointy helmet optional), then think about those little Buddha statues. Now try to combine those two images in your head! Unfortunately, this whole page is rather serious so I couldn't find any cartoons of liederhosen-clad gurus smiling contentedly over a big plate of wiener schnitzel. Sigh.

DBV

DBW The DBW Continuum is, as near as I can tell, the personal homepage of Dan Bing Wang. But I could be wrong. At first glance it's just a linklist with a badly tiled background and animated startrek .gifs, BUT if you click on the baby head in the upper right you get a Super Happy Baby Techno Dance Party!!! (especially if you happen to be listening to Lords of Acid when you get to the page) I'd bet on this kid against that stupid CG dancing baby any day.

DBX

DBY Death Becomes You is one of those scary goth bands where they all look like transvestite zombies and have candles and jack-o-lanterns on stage. I can never tell if these bands are being intentionally cheesy for the camp factor or if they really think coffins and fake blood are that cool. Fortunately, their site has videos, pictures, and mp3s, so you can just decide for yourself.

DBZ DragonBall Z, the wacky fighting festival where people fly, rocks float, the bad guys are named after vegetables, and the good guys punch each other through mountains. We especially recommend the episodes where Mr. Piccalo yanks off Gohan's tail and blows up the moon to prevent the 5-year old Gohan from turning into a giant monkey again, and the one with the infamous "Doing Homework Song" sequence, which has made many a brave man cry. Why does everyone consider Goku the best fighter when time and time again he keeps dying? Because the Afterlife is the best place to train, of course, it has more gravity.