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| The Original David Bowie's Area Webpage |
     
This webpage contains an offsite link to another Bowie Crotch obsessed sight that honestly was not made by me. Its domain name contains a word I basically made up, though, which is pretty sweet when you think about it. My perverse legacy is assured!
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What is the Church of Areaology?
The DBA Institute, as the vanguard of serious research into David Bowie's Area and its effects on all other fields of science, philosophy, and the stability of the human mind, has publicly stated its official position that the recent upstart known as the Church of Areaology is a completely unnecessary and thoroughly redundant institution devoid of true scholarship, which was probably formed to fleece its members of liquid assets and dignity just like any other flash-in-the-pants cult. The DBA WebMonkey, pyre, issues an informal* statement that "The Church of Areaology is sort of like the Church of Scientology, except instead of Thermians from Xanthu living in your brain or whatever, there's Bowie's genitalia penetrating pretty much everything. And I get to be L Ron Hubbard and slap the new initiates about the head and neck with my engorged member on my private yacht. That's just the way this kind of shit works. Because of like, copyrights, or something. Somebody get me a private yacht, okay?" After this initial enthusiasm, there was something of a falling-out after the realization that most of the CoA members lived in the United Kingdom and were unwilling to pay their own airfare for the "Initiation Rituals."
The Church of Areaology seems, like many overly religious organizations, to be less interested in the continual development of knowledge than in fervent admiration of the object of worship. Its adherents are enlightened to the degree that they are aware of the wonder and majesty of David Bowie's Area, but instead of approaching it with a firm grip on the hard facts they devote their Areaological efforts to staring slack-jawed** at images of David Bowie and his prominently displayed package. The Church of Areaology's website is clearly designed for an audience less interested in the entertainment value of reading an enlightened and thought-provoking DBA Institute-quality analysis than in looking at lewd pictures of David Bowie's Area for the base purposes of crude sexual gratification.
(You hear that? That's the sound of 97% of my visitors clicking away to the other site. Ungrateful bloody perverts.)
*Lacking pants and appearing intoxicated.
**Generally also with their lips making quivery suckling movements, for that matter.