Where has the DBA Website been all this time?

Actually, it's been right here all along. The real concern is where have the updates been for the last four and a half years? The updates have been lurking, unseen, in the fringes of reality where unimagined terrors impossible for the human mind to comprehend swell and bulge and throb and, well, lurk. Lurking is kind of what the fringes of reality are for, actually. But the updates are here once more, wrenched bodily from the brains of our dozens of institutionalized areaologists by trained psychoanalysts who were, themselves, traumatized by the realizations contained within, and then lovingly transcribed by Areaology.com's dedicated and occasionally lice-free team of trained typing monkeys. But what went so wrong in the first place? What caused this horrible lack of new and provacative updates on all things related to David Bowie's Area?
Let me tell you a story...

At the end of the last millenium the DBA Institute was a thermonuclear powderkeg filled with gasoline. Tensions were high, paranoia ran rampant, everyone wondered how much longer we could keep stretching out one penis joke into an entire webpage, and even the penguin with the cute little penguin-shaped backpack was totally stressed out. Then in the autumn of 2001, as I'm sure all of you already know, something shocking and terrible happened which completely altered the way we look at our lives:
In an online interview, David Bowie was asked What's the strangest thing a fan has ever done? and he replied Well, somebody did make an entire website dedicated to my "Area."

Once news of this event reached the DBA Institute, the reaction was, well, mixed. Actually, all Hell broke loose. Areaologists ran about in panic. Collaborations were disavowed. Lawyers were consulted. Bananas were stuffed down pants. More than one head completely exploded when struck with the shockwaves of realization spreading through the Institute's campus. Fans were quite literally hit by the shit. (That was mainly in the wing where the phone-answering monkeys worked.)

In the aftermath of that initial chaos, it became obvious that a fracture had occured amoung the faculty of the DBA Institute. There was a rift, a chasm, between the Areaologists. Our staff had been thrust into a gaping fissure, and had come through weary, drained, and spent. There were major disagreements on where, how, even whether, to proceed from that point. Some Areaologists favored a full media blitz capitalizing on Bowie's recognition of Areaology to bring new attention to his Area and the pursuits of the DBA Institute. Others feared it was time to abandon all areaological pursuits, avoid copyright lawyers, and maybe flee the country. Some Areaologists thought that the study of the Area should be pursued even more fervently, but clandestinely so as to hoard its secrets for the Institute's own interests and purposes. Still other Areaologists just wanted to get really, really drunk. With all these goals working against each other it was a veritible civil war in the DBA Institute Headquarters. But it didn't come to (much) violence, so it was a cold war. A secret civil cold guerilla war of cold civility.

Eventually some of the less enthusiastic Areaologists dropped out of the Institute or went into hiding. One even got lost in the desert for several years. Those who remained all agreed that the great work (staring at Bowie's crotch and making jokes about it) must be continued and, above all else, the website needed to be updated. The problem was that by this point several years had gone by already, and there was much discussion about how to return after such an absence.

Finally, it was decided that the only one way to thrust forward from this interruption would be to stand up proud and tall with a massive update filled fully with penetrating journalism and deep insights. It would mean hard work and long nights in and out of the Institute's offices, but we knew that by taking the matter in hand and working it until we were completely exhausted we'd be able to cram more and more meaty substance into the site until it was throbbing with Areaological goodness and ready to burst. That was the in-your-face attitude we'd need to make everyone come back again and again. Only then would our readers be truly satisfied.