Language Corner

Lesson Three: A few of the many things you're doing wrong.

After my two year, one month, and twentyfour day hiatus I've returned to provide the third edition of Language Corner. This is because of the desperate need for linguistic enlightenment that I, as a dedicated educator, simply cannot ignore. The rumors that I was starting to sober up and really needed some royalty money are, of course, outright slander. Regardless, today we are going to take a look at some sayings and phrases that have passed into common usage despite being completely and obviously wrong.

"Deja vu all over again" - This phrase is especially popular amoung illiterate midwestern crackers. "Deja vu" is a French term which means "an impression of having seen or experienced something before." It's what you feel when you're waking up in a pool of vomit, some of which is your own, surrounded by used condoms. Adding "all over again" when you're really just talking about the feeling of deja vu itself is redundant and, quite frankly, retarded.

"The exception which proves the rule" - This has got to be one of the dumbest things that has been said by almost every single English-speaking human being alive. I know you all think this is a charming colloquialism, a long passed-down way of saying that everything has at least one exception. It's not. It's a blatant misquotation of one of the fundamental tenets of logical thought and always has been, you asses. This phrase began as "the exception which DISproves the rule" because if there is an exception to a statement than it's not a logically true statement. However, since the teeming masses of which you are a part often have a hard time comprehending simple things like PREFIXES it's been mutilated for generations. Just stop to think about it for a moment. Imagine if exceptions proved rules true, as defenders of this phrase would have you believe:
"All apples are red."
"That one's not, it's green."
"See, that green apple just goes to show that all apples are indeed red."
I need a stiff drink after just trying to think down to your level.

"I could care less" - You make my ears bleed by saying this one. You know that, don't you, you vicious bastards? The only correct way to use this phrase is sarcastically, as in "Like I could care any less." If you ever have said "I could care less" to mean that you don't care about something, I want you to stop and think about just how unimaginably stupid you must be. If you could care less than you do, then by necessity you must care to some degree. Allow me to demonstrate the proper usage: I could not care less about the continued survival of an assinine twit like yourself, unless you're about to blow me. You see, if I couldn't care less about your life, it means that I don't care AT ALL.

"Deja vu all over again" - This phrase is especially popular amoung illiterate midwestern crackers. "Deja vu" is a French term which means "an impression of having seen or experienced something before." It's what you feel when you're waking up in a pool of vomit, some of which is your own, surrounded by used condoms. Adding "all over again" when you're really just talking about the feeling of deja vu itself is redundant and, quite frankly, retarded.