Gun D. Monkey, Pulitzer Prize winning author of "Language Corner"

Over the weekend, Areaology.com has received a record number of concerned emails and letterbombs regarding the recent FUNeral feature, Language Corner. (Lesson One, Lesson Two) The overall theme of our readers' loving death threats has been opinions about whether or not it is appropiate for Language Corner, a feature devoted to teaching children and other young people the finer points of the English language, to be using so many examples involving the consumption of alcohol, sexual topics, and the excessive consumption of alcohol. Particularly these opinions have been of the "Not" variety, although there have been a few closer to "Dear God no, what could you have been thinking?" As sole owner, webmaster, and President-for-Life of Areaology.com, and author of the quasi-daily feature "pyre - Putting the Fun in Funeral" I would like to publicly state that I had nothing whatsoever to do with the creation of "Language Corner." That feature was written by an esteemed guest author: child psychologist and linguistics expert Gun D. Monkey. (shown left) Mr. Monkey was supposed to continue the series over the weekend, but has flown to Tiajuana with Barbara Walters and several 40's of Schlitz. He could not be reached for comment at press time. --pyre