Harry Potter and the Rampant Spoilers

With the sixth book, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, coming out next month speculation abounds about its surely heart-wrenching and overly complicated plot. Who or what is a half-blood prince? Whose death has Rowling been hinting about to torture fans? Let's look at the possibilities.

Half-Blood Princes:

Draco Malfoy - Sure, both of Draco's parents were wizards. But he only has half as much blood as a healthy boy his age, explaining why he's so pale and cowardly. Harry stabs him in the eigth chapter and air comes out!

Hermoine Granger - Both of Hermoine's parents were muggles, so in an effort to become more magical and get even better grades, she undergoes an illegal blood transfusion with wizardy blood. And she objects to the term "princess" because it's sexist and demeaning, or something.

Billsec Ted Hemogoblinn - Despite it being the second to last book in the series, the Half-Blood Prince will be yet another new character to through even more complications into the mix, with a barely-hidden association in the name and a secret to be revealed 600 pages after it was blatantly obvious.

Hagrid - The only joke here is on you if you can't see how clearly the title's referring to Hagrid. You can have a good laugh next month if I'm wrong, but I'm probably not.

Some Squicky Lovechild - The half-blood could be just born in this book, probably through one of the repulsive romantic pairings showing up in fanfic. How about Ginny Weasley and Dudley Dursely? Is that gross enough for you?

characters who will Snuff It:

Ron Weasley - I think it would be a great twist here if after all the hinting about the death of someone close to Harry, Rowling left both of the best friends alive. Killing Ron is an easy way to tug on everyone's heartstrings though, so his odds aren't too good.

Albus Dumbledore - He's the ancient wise mentor figure who guides the young hero with sage and inscrutible advice. It's the penultimate installment of the story. Time to shuffle off the mortal coil. Obi-wan, Qui-gon, everyone's dad, Mr Miyagi, mentors are for getting killed off.

Harry Potter - As the books become progressively less and less about Harry, he's eventually killed off in this installment, leaving Book Seven free to focus on the far more interesting secondary characters, who can all finally just get on with their lives.