2/17/04

What’s the speed limit anyway?

Last week I was told by almost every close friend of mine that I needed to slow down in reference to how I’ve been living my life lately. I understand that everyone has had moments where they were worried about me, but there is no need to be. I am going to do what I want, when I want, where I want, with whoever I want (as they all found out; especially last week). Please, please let me have this time in my life to make up for all the years I wasted raising babies, being married, and being a workaholic. I just want to have an order of freedom w/ a side of sex. Make sense? I’m being careful; I promise you that. Don’t judge me on what I’ve been doing because I am still the same person I was before. The only difference now is that I have opened up my wings and have no intention of landing yet. If there will be consequences to pay later, I will deal w/ that. I would love to tell you that this is getting old but I can’t do that and be honest w/ anyone. If I let everyone have it their way on how ‘fast’ I’m going, what speed would I be going exactly? I like it fast and am finally able to have it that way w/o hurting anyone along the way since I pick and choose based on if I think their will be any attachments tomorrow that I will have to kill off. If I see one sign of any emotions involved, you will see me go even faster….go away, that is. Love sucks, so why would I slow down and end up making a mistake of slipping and falling in love again. If I move fast, that won’t happen. Does this make sense? Love= heartache, loneliness, jealousy, possessiveness, emotional anguish. I refuse to let my heart get even chipped one more time. I will do whatever it takes to get what I need w/o ever saying those three words again and making myself vulnerable. Comprende?