Requirements

Barkeep! Inspirational libations, please, and a fiver for you if you hurry! My wellspring of human experience with which to craft a tale has run dry this evening. These paltry day to day doldrums are adequate fare for the pedestrian masses, but as an artist I demand the elation of a tawdry affair blended with bitter suffering of utter heartbreak! Serve me some betrayel stirred with scheming post haste. My plate of success is mild at best, bland to a pallette so sophisticated. And the portions are too small!

What's this? Shower curtain, dishsoap, alarm clock? I didn't order this drivel! Curtain rods and a vacuum cleaner? Waiter, I assure you there has been some mistake. You've clearly gotten my medium-rare dramatic replenishment to some other table and brought me a DVD-rack with a side of lightbulbs in error. Don't you try to tell me what I ordered, I know what I need and all this mundanity is not it!