p-P: ewwww

P: I was just e-mailing E how glad I am that I am a homo and can't have marriage problems...it is a benefit of my gold card membership status.

p: Huh, I would have thought the gay member cards would be pink, not gold.

P: It is a common misconception; they're gold

p: Also, for the record "gay member" is funny.
So if you've got the gold membership does that make you part of the "homosexual agenda" they're always talking about on the right-wing radio shows? Corrupting youth and fluoridating water and all of that? Because somebody's got to do that shit.

P: Again, another misconception - the republicans actually handle all of that.
No, we normally get a phonebook (with everyone who's gay phone number), a couple packets of glitter, the complete Madonna collection, an alter boy uniform holder and some Mary Kay Sample products - it isn't all that it is cracked up to be...

p: That's got to be a pretty cool phonebook. I feel sort of mislead, actually. I'd at least have thought the glitter would be a lifetime supply.

P: There used to be a lifetime supply. The problem that was happening was that old queens (like Paris) would run out of Cocaine (and money) in their early forties and would start snorting glitter instead. The result of this is that people actually thought that gay people pooped big logs of glitter. This being quite the novelty, they started rounding up gay people for freak shows in the circus (circa 1950). Imagine the disappointment when little Jimmy went to the circus to see the Great Gay Glitter Shitter and was presented with someone who pooped regular - at best.

p: I'm so very glad (and not in the least surprised) that you turned took this conversation for a scatological twist.

p: Also "scatological twist" sounds like a nasty sex act.