2/19/04

I’m not a very emotional person persay but have been some crazy mood swings since yesterday so wanted to capture some of the stupid stuff that has passed through my head while I still felt psychotic. Normally I can go with the flow with whatever is going on around me and with whomever I am with at that particular time, but today is different. Today I just feel like I want to start something with anyone and get into a fight. I want to yell, cuss, and get violent. Then the mood changes and I hear a song and I’m ready to curl up on the couch w/ my fave blanket and cry. Why you ask? Don’t ask me…I have no idea. It started yesterday afternoon out of nowhere and I just felt like I shouldn’t be around anyone. Did I stay home, though, taking my own advice to myself? You know me, so no I didn’t. I maintained myself, was proud of myself actually…well, somewhat. I got offended and outright pissed so many times in a four hour period that I lost count. I took everything that came in front of me the wrong way, but thank god (must have had a mini Vizier sitting on my shoulder) I always realized I took it wrong before I opened my mouth and said something stupid. I know that a certain friend of mine has tendencies to offend me but not intentionally. Last night, I would like to have snapped his head off atleast a dozen times and then finally decided in his best interest and mine that I needed to leave. And, another friend of mine acted the same as usual flirting in every direction and dragging me along to make herself look even better, but last night was almost the last. My fave one, though, was that I happened to glance at another friend of mine from across the room and when I saw him talking to this thin, cute chick I almost lost my mind. Can’t explain that one. I’ve never been a jealous person and I’m not with him, but I was instantly irritated about it. I apologize in advance to everyone for whatever I may say or do until I am back to ‘normal’. Like I was ever normal……………….