p_W: A Professional Dialogue

W : Can I just go on the record as saying that people that work in our stores have a lower than average I.Q.???

p : That's a pretty tame statement. How do you really feel?

W : Well, after almost 3 years of talking to these people every day, I think I have overcome most of my anger. UPS people are weird too... do you think they use their real names? This one said her name is Jamaica.

p : I'm not *angry* at the retail people. I just think that "lower than average IQ" is not as accurate a description as "dumber than a bag of hammers."
That's all.

W : Is dumber a "proper" word?

p : Sure it is. What would you prefer, "more dumb than a sack wherein hammering instruments are contained" ?

W : Yes. Please only speak to me in proper "olde" English from now on.

p : Alas, poor Madame Walentiny, she knows not what she asks.

W : Sigh... it's so beautiful!

p : What manner of buffoonery has the vile cretin engaged in, to make you twitter so?

W : You are way too good at this. You may stop at your will, it must take effort to create such lovely sentences.

p : 'Tis the merest trifling, a minor aspect of imagination's myriad delights. You may recall that warned you were, as Pandora's Box you opened.

W : I would like to hear you continue this while intoxicated.

p : I do believe the watering hole is easily found down yonder lane. If it's a challenge I hear from your lips I fear I must accept.

W : Hmmm... No Gators. It's ladies night and I REFUSE to pay to get into that place. Plus it is nasty in there... yuck.
We could go get a drink though!

p : Whilst revelries befit my mood, a fleeting wisp of responsibility reminds that you have base labor on the morrow. If this concern is for naught, than name your den of drink and morality be forgotten.

W : I do have to work at 10am... but we could go to my favorite bar in Maple Grove. For one... or eight, whatever. Or until the olde English starts to drive me mad!!!!

p : Methinks the necessary vocalization whilst bereft of quill and scroll shall prove a greater impediment to my talents lingual than the crude intoxication of spirits. Regardless, the game is afoot!

W : Okay... but I just realized that I don't want to go out anywhere wearing what I am. I am not a fan of these pants and didn't realize it until I was already here... and if I have to go home, then I am already there... and I do have to pack for this weekend, I am going out of town.
I am a brat! I also told Paul I would go out on Wednesday only there is one problem! I will be in Arizona on Wednesday.
I owe all of you I think...

p : Temptress! Fie on your pants! Fie on your Arizona! Libations demand consumption! Be it thine pants which vex thee, let the traitorous garment be removed! Bah!

W : I don't know as if my boyfriend would be okay with me going out, to the bar, without my pants!!! I can ask him though... haha!

p : Fie on your boyfriend! That of which he is ignorant shall bring him no harm.

And should he inquire, those words were never said by me.

W : And just what would you think of me if I were to do such things behind the back of my boyfriend? I am just not that kind of girl... anymore.

p : Verily would I think "Woo-hoo!"

You realize, for the record, that I'm kidding. I'm not that kind of girl anymore either.
Oh god, I've said too much!