Two Returns

I have finally returned, both to "teh internets" and gainful employment. One of these is awesome, one is shameful. Figure it out for yourself.
Alright, so I have a job now. Between that and moving, I haven't been able to post anything recently and I'm sorry about that. The second best thing about getting a job is not having to go on job interviews anymore. (The best thing is that you get paid.) I especially hate answering questions which indicate that the interviewer or whoever wrote the question is unaware of the fundamental nature of employment: The Time-Money Exchange.
"Why do you want to work for our company?"
"What interested you in this position?"
Unless you're Greenpeace, a church, or a charity, odds are nobody is applying for their spiritual well-being or to make the world a better place. Only old people apply for jobs just to fill up their day. Some online game companies have jobs that are really fun to do, and as a result they don't pay anyone to do them; they just post the opening in their forums. If I've applied for a job, it means I'm looking to trade my time for somebody else's money. End of story.

So, as an aid to any job-seekers out there, I've provided some useful interview statements and answers to some of the common interview questions, along with the subvocalization (in italics) to think to yourself at the end of each to make it so you're not lying and can say it with a straight face. Use them in good health.

I think working for your company would be a great opportunity (for you to give me money).
I've been looking for a chance to get into the field (of receiving money).
I work well with people (who are giving me money).
I'd heard from a lot of people that this is a good company (to get money from).
In two years? I see myself advancing in my career, maybe into training or management (and getting more money from you).
I hope to develop my most important skillsets (such as counting money, that would be given to me by you).
I think it's important in any position, to be able to balance the customers' needs with the company's needs, and with my own needs (to be given money).
I have a lot of experience with computers, including Windows, MS Word, Excel, and Quicken (which is good for counting how much money you give me).
I've worked in several different fields, for a lot of different companies (who gave me money).
I'm very flexible (about the ways in which you can give me money).
I look forward to working with you (especially if you're in the payroll department0!