2/27/04

Complete: filled up; with no part lacking. To bring to entirety.

And, the opposite would be how I feel anymore. Incomplete. Why? Please don’t ask me to explain cuz if you don’t understand, then you should stop reading this right now. Yes, I have dozens of friends and I can always get a hold of one of them if I’m bored or need to talk to someone. Yes, I have ‘options’ if I feel the need. But, it’s not the friendships and the sexual needs that are making me feel incomplete. I am lacking something that I don’t even know how to explain it or what to do to fix it.

Is it really worth it, though, to try and seek out what will make me feel complete? I can’t answer that anymore. Putting myself in the position again where I am vulnerable and willing to put my heart in someone else’s hands scares the Hell out of me worse than Pennywise himself.

I had more to say but than a good friend of mine said the following, so I think it’s enough said for now: “Though the time I’ve spent in love is less than I’ve spent in pain because of it, the feeling of being in love was always greater than the sadness of the loss.”