These are just things I write, okay? Sometimes they're profound insights or funny stories and I'm really proud of them. Other times it's mindless rhetoric that I've since completely changed my mind about and am ashamed of. But most of the time it's just words.

Older Fun:
(06/05/00)
(06/04/00)
(06/03/00)
(06/02/00)
(06/01/00)
(05/31/00)
(05/30/00)
(05/29/00)
(05/26/00)
(05/25/00)
(05/24/00)
(05/23/00)
(05/22/00)
(05/19/00)
(05/18/00)
(05/17/00)
(05/16/00)
(05/15/00)
(05/14/00)
(05/13/00)
(05/12/00)
(05/11/00)
(05/10/00)
(05/09/00)
(05/08/00)
(05/07/00)
(05/06/00)
(05/05/00)
(05/03/00)

06/6/00

Some number of people die in drunk driving accidents every year.

Some percentage of teenagers die of drug overdoses before they graduate high school.

Some amount of cigarette smokers die from lung cancer.
Statistics provided by Not Bothering to Do Research

You've heard figures like these (with actual numbers though, probably) many times before. People say things like "I don't want to become a statistic" or "Don't let your children become statistics." There seems to be a huge negative stigmata attached to being a statistic. The public service announcements think everyone is and should be afraid of turning into a statistic. News flash here folks:

Worry about becoming DEAD.
During the split-second your life is ending, just after you've taken both hands off the wheel to shoot up a pint and a half of heroin, when suddenly coughing up a charcoal-black lung causes you to swerve directly into an oncoming tanker truck, are you going to be thinking "Holy shit, the details of what's happening are going to be collated and mathematically compared to the country's population, forming a statistic!!!! NOOOO!!"
I doubt it. You're last thoughts are probably going to be much closer to "I'm gonna fucking die!", "Fuck! I don't wanna die!", "I won't be able to fucking swear so much when I'm dead!", or "Yum, windshield!"

That last one probably only if you've been practicing the philosophy "I can eat glass. It doesn't hurt me." But I digress.

Becoming a corpse is worse than becoming a statistic, by at least four.
Besides, you're already a statistic. Not only are your age, height, weight, occupation, bra size, income, and more already tabulated into dozens of statistics, but every statistic has an inverse statistic. If 30% of Americans die of spontaneous human combustion this year, then 70% didn't. You're part of a statistic either way, twit!

If they really want us to listen to public service announcements they should get the Playmate of the Year to straddle a patriot missle, look into the camera with an expression of disgust and disappointment and say "Men who drink and drive have small dicks." That'd work for about half the population anyway.
Oh no! Another STATISTIC!!