3/3/04

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I finally get to go home tomorrow for a few days. I was excited when I was first planning this trip last week, but now I’m leary on it. I get to see my bestfriend Todd (and my first love) of 14 years and I guess I will have to stop and visit my mom while I’m there. I’m actually looking forward to visiting my mom for the first time in years mainly cuz of the last conversation we had on the phone. She actually gave me some good advice last time on men. Now that I say that, it scares me that I accepted advice on men from her but we’ll see what happens. The reason I’m scared about going now is what if I have one of my lonely moments while I’m there and make a judgement call w/ Todd that I can’t take back? He has always loved me and always made it quite clear that he would always take me back in a heartbeat. He is perfect for me in every sense, physical and emotionally. But, he is my bestfriend and I need him to stay that way. He was there for me when no one else was for many years and is more protective of me than anyone I know; not possessive, just protective. He knows me better than anyone in my life ever will and can usually predict what I am going to do. I haven’t been around him alone and single since I moved here in ’99, though. It will just be me and him for most of my days and nights there. Please, please…let me do the right thing without hurting him once again. My goal for this weekend is just to be able to talk and be myself for a few days. He has never failed me on helping me figure out what I need to do to fix any issues that I have brought upon myself. If nothing else good happens this weekend, atleast I will be able to see my beloved komodo. I haven’t seen her since Memorial Day last year.