3/13/04

Ever felt like you really needed to make a decision about something important in your life but you just weren’t motivated to do so at this moment in time? Not something that would really cause any heartache or disasters if the decision wasn’t made right away but something you just wanted to make up your mind about? It’s not that I am afraid to make up my mind or that I can’t make up my mind. I just haven’t taken the time to do the thinking of the pro’s and con’s of every option. I actually tried last weekend. That was one of the main reasons I wanted to go ‘home’ alone….to give me some hours alone to force myself to clear my head. Well, don’t want to get into all the reasons that I didn’t get that alone time and the reasons that it was the worst Wichita trip I have ever had, but that trip actually added more confusion into my decision making for this crap. And, to be honest, I have just been too damned tired this week to do any serious thinking about anything.

So, for now, I will just keep going w/ the flow and utilizing my ‘benefit’. I know this won’t last too much longer, though, cuz that benefit is starting to somehow confuse me. I just wish I could figure out if it’s on purpose or just coincidence in my head. That would make me feel easier about that one piece of the puzzle. The others are all still a mess and the longer I procrastinate on this, the more pieces are popping in from out of nowhere. Damnit……