4/20/04

My feelings for Mary Jane

I guess I’ve been lying to everyone till now that my longest relationship was with my almost ex-husband, being about 5 years. I have loved Mary Jane for well over 14 years although I hadn’t actually met her myself until about 10 years ago. Whenever she was around my mom and friends before I had actually met her myself, she seemed to have the most magical effect on them. She could turn any of my exes from acting like a complete asshole into a romantic sweetheart within a matter of minutes. And, many a times I watched my mom walking around with a horrible hangover in the morning but after she talked to Mary Jane, she was all good again. I still remember the first time I met her when I was about 18 or 19 years old. I was so nervous about meeting her and knowing the amazing affect she had on almost everyone I knew that I put myself into a coughing fit that I thought I would never overcome. Eyes watered endlessly and my throat hurt for hours.

If I’ve ever been infatuated with anyone in my life, it’s her. She’s one of my first thoughts in the morning, she’s one of the last thoughts I have before going to sleep, and I can’t even number how many times she crosses my mind in-between. Even when I’m with other friends like Crys, I always go back to her at the end. Speaking to her, being around her is the quickest way to bring me back to ‘normal’ when I’m hurt or pissed or even sick. I admit that I have left her a few times due to other people in my life telling me she was a bad influence on me, but after so long I just can’t be away from her anymore and I go running back to her attracting scent, sometimes luscious taste, and overwhelming influence she has on me. She’s the only one that can come into the room when I’m in the mood to kill someone and make me laugh endlessly within a matter of minutes. There have been many a times that when everyone left me, she was still there for me any time I needed her.

Well, considering it’s her birthday, I need to get back Mary Jane. I promised her that I would spend every waking minute with her today and I intend to keep that promise 100%.