Well, I've been promoted (or at least transferred) to another department. This means I'm no longer a Sorting Babboon. My new duties involve machines and scanners and pitch blackness and stickers and troubleshooting and looking at pictures of underage girls.

In other words, unlike my previous position, you could not get a trained monkey to do my job. And there's a very simple reason for this.
Monkeys won't wear condoms on their fingers:

I guess it's kind of like that old saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but they give really lousy head."

In other news, I think the guy checking me out at the grocery store really was checking me out. What the hey, he's kinda cute: I know where I'm shopping from now on.