These are just things I write, okay? Sometimes they're profound insights or funny stories and I'm really proud of them. Other times it's mindless rhetoric that I've since completely changed my mind about and am ashamed of. But most of the time it's just words.

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09/20/00

7

In the near future advertisers will use computerized video technology to put old footage of the "Where's the Beef?" Lady in a commercial with the Taco Bell Chihuahua, Cindy Crawford wearing a leather dress, and several trained monkeys holding the product, thus creating the greatest commercial ever. People who don't have televisions will buy them just to watch this commercial. Everyone who sees the commercial shall buy the product, which shall be condoms, at every chance they get. The sales and use of this particular brand of condoms will reach such a height that the continuation of the human species would be in grave danger, were it not for the fact that ninety percent of their condoms have gaping holes in the tips anyway.