Language Corner

Lesson One: Clarification

Unclear: "This beer tastes nasty."
The problem with this sentence is that it does not convey the degree to which the beer tastes bad. Does it merely taste unpleasant but you're still going to drink it because at least it'll get you drunk? Or would you rather brush your teeth with the fetid remains of a month-dead corpse than take another sip of the beer?

Improper Correction: "This beer tastes like piss."
This is a commonly used method of clarifying how bad the beer tastes. There are three problems with this sentence as a clarity solution, however. One, because it is so often heard it is sometimes dismissed as colorful hyberbole. Two, the comparison implies familiarity on the part of the speaker with the flavor of urine. Three, the sentence contains an internal redundancy.

Vulgarity: "This beer tastes fucking terrible."
While the use of an obscene adverb to emphasize the severity of a description is understood and acceptable in any social situation, this sentence lacks clarity due to the varied utility of the expletive selected. To wit: Some people swear more often and easily than others, such that a beer described by one person as "fucking terrible" may be merely "mildly unpleasant" if that person is inclined to swear frequently, or so far as "the worst sensory experience ever conceived by man" if they're not.

Precise: "This beer is unrepentantly foul."
The description is a concise way of informing the listener that the beer tastes much worse than would be expected or enjoyed, to a degree such that the beer is presumed to possess a motive and deliberate intent to inflict it's bad taste upon the drinker, and that it is unapologizing in its nastiness. Obviously, this is the best, clearest way to describe the beverage in question.