The Day Before Yesterday's Fun wasn't the slightest bit amusing, which was in fact the joke. Well, that and I really like saying "MechaGodzilla." What I'm saying here was that it was meta-humor, I wanted you to laugh at how unfunny my real job is. I had no intention of continuing the work-related humor theme, but yesterday something happened that's actually is kinda funny. We're tracking individual employee efficiency now, and every day we have to tell our supervisor a goal for improving our efficiency and whether or not we met our previous day's goal. So, as a community service to anybody who has to deal with similar corporate thought, here are some:

Efficiency Goals

I will punch out an hour before I actually stop working, to make up for all the lazy bastards padding their timecards.

I will rat on my coworkers whenever the opportunity presents itself.

I will create energy-based multiples of myself, allowing me to work in many departments at the same time.

I will meet with every employee in the building on a daily basis, taking them away from their work for several minutes at a time so they can tell me why they're not getting more work done.

I will limit my on-the-job child-eating to two per night. Three, tops, but only if they're premies.

I will read the newspaper while driving. Wait, this is about increasing my efficiency at work...

I will read the newspaper while driving my car through my jobsite.

I will work smarter, not harder! I will also somehow encourage all of the automated machinery on which my task-completion depends to do the same.

High morale and happy workers increases productivity. With that in mind, I will increase my heroin intake, as well as that of my department.

I will stop bL3w-b0x0r1ng the +1m3cl0ck, regardless of the self-evident fact that I am indeed a l33+ h@x0r!

I will not burn orders and say I tossed them in the sewer.

I will schedule all on-site shooting sprees with the janitorial staff, to promote quick and easy clean-up.

I will develop a complex system of levers and pulleys capable of delivering an even more complex system of physical and psychological rewards and punishments to an employee based on a continual real-time evaluation of their productivity rates.

I will Level Up as soon as I can, instead of saving those XPs for a prestige class to become available or for the creation of a magic item.

I will put half as much effort into working as I do into being a smart-ass, because then I'd be done already.