When I was a child I realized that the first step to true wisdom was to admit that you know nothing. I've since figured that it probably wasn't so much of a realization as a regurgitation of some "ancient oriental wisdom" I saw on a low budget "Karate Kid" knockoff, but since I don't know where I got it from I like to pretend I thought of it myself.

Regardless of the source, suppose it's true for a moment. The idea did help calm my nerdish "too smart for high school" ego, but since I was a teenager I still thought I was pretty hot shit for coming up with this cool philosophical humbleness. After all, nobody else in my class had admitted that they knew nothing, so I was way ahead of the game, right? Well, no. Because I thought that I had admitted my ignorance and moved onto the true learning and whatnot, I really hadn't. By assuming I was beyond the first step I had prevented myself from completing it.

All of this was on my mind yesterday, because I was thinking about how stupid I am and was. I was really feeling shame over certain mental and emotional incapabilities, and thought that maybe that shame and guilt signalled that I had finally completed that first step, in that they might drive a desire to improve myself. I was wrong. I hadn't fully admitted, accepted and understood that I knew nothing just yet. Another realization came a bit later that satisfies me, that makes me not think but feel that I've made that first step:
I don't know what the Second Step to true wisdom is.

So now at least I have something to think about.