These are just things I write, okay? Sometimes they're profound insights or funny stories and I'm really proud of them. Other times it's mindless rhetoric that I've since completely changed my mind about and am ashamed of. But most of the time it's just words.

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10/18/00

Things I thought I was going to have to say at work yesterday

"You may note that on my previous employee review an area "in need of improvement" was my not bringing issues to the attention of my supervisor. Please also take note of the following, particularly when it comes time to evaluate whether or not I've improved in the designated area: While I am reluctant to suggest that you rearrange the schedule for the third time in two weeks, I feel that my latest set of work dates and times, to put it as gently as I conceivably can, fucking sucks goddamn ass. Thank you for your time."

"Don't try to tell me I won't be working every night of the weekend when I'm scheduled for 4am-noon Saturday through Wednesday. Four in the morning is still Friday night. If you don't think it is then you don't have very good Friday nights."

"How is it that you've laid off nine people this month and that lazy bastard who runs the football pools has managed to not be one of them?"

"Maybe we wouldn't need all this efficiency tracking and time sheets to see who is and isn't working if the leads and supervisors were occasionally in the room with us lowly operators, and would pay enough attention to see who isn't doing jack shit."

"No, of course I'm not referring to you. You're the supreme model of leadership and guidance."

"I quit."

"You can't say 'You can't quit, you're fired!' It just doesn't work that way around."

Things that turned out to be more appropriate to say

"Yes, I'd love to go back to my previous and more convenient startup time."

"No, shifting my days off to Saturday and Sunday would be fine."

"You're welcome."

"Oh, one of our leads is being transferred? I wish I could say that I'll miss her."

"Of course I wasn't going to shoot anyone with this, don't be silly. I'll just put it out in my car. For now."