Calling in to Local Radio Shows

"Hello, oh wow I'm, like, on? I'd like to request a song! I'd totally love it if you guys would play this song for me! Could you please play any song that isn't already on your playlist? I don't really care what it is, I'd just like to have a single call to your 'Rock Request Line' actually make a difference instead of continually hearing a bunch of drunken idiots asking for the same dozen songs you play every night. Do you think people don't realize you only air the calls asking for the song that was predetermined by some goddamn analyst a week ago?"

"Can I talk to the sexy-sounding female DJ of the morning crew pair for a moment? Hi, does it bother you that to be a woman in the rock radio business you have to exploit your gender every morning to get pathetic teens to tune in and pretend you're body is as hot as your radio-enhanced voice? Do you get to write your own assinine flirtatious banter or do they give you a script the night before?"

"If you're going to play a ten second clip from a good song as part of your station identification you're obligated to actually play the entire aforementioned song at some point during the life of your station. Seriously, there's a law about that. Or at least I'll pretend there is while I'm waiting by your car in the parking lot.
I've always wanted to be a vigilante."

"You know those clips you play of people calling and telling you how cool they think you are for playing your tired selection of oldies over the weekend? Those people cry themselves to sleep every night thinking about their pathetic, empty, little lives, don't they?"

"Deep down, you hate yourself, don't you? It's okay, you can admit it."