This is Stumpy B. Round: You may know him as Areaology.com's resident Balistics Expert, or perhaps as that little ball of fur that struck you in the crotch while you were innocently walking along one day. Either way, he's everybody's favorite armless monkey and it greatly saddens me to announce that Stumpy is leaving us to write for another website. Here's what he had to say about his tearful departure from Areaology.com:

"I sure am going to miss hanging out with all you stupid bastards, especially the time that I spent pounding the living fuck out of you. These goddamn dipshits over at The Blue Oyster or whatever are going to be giving me free video games just for writing some crap about them. Did you fucking fucks ever give me any free shit? I don't think so. No, you pretentious queens refused to even publish my new childrens' series. So screw you, hippies. I just hope these free games are really damn violent, so I can blow some shit away and get the memory of this hellhole out of my mind that much faster."

Ladies and gentlemen, Stumpy B. Round, truly a monkey for the people. He'll be sorely missed. In the meantime, please read the new game review that Stumpy wrote for The Mushroom.