These are just things I write, okay? Sometimes they're profound insights
or funny stories and I'm really proud of them. Other times it's mindless
rhetoric that I've since completely changed my mind about and am ashamed
of. But most of the time it's just words.
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Customer Service
We hate you.We hate whoever took all these pictures you've sent us.
We hate each individual person in every one of your pictures.
We hate any member of your family that hasn't been previously covered by these statements.
We hate everybody involved in your conception, gestation, and eventual birth, even if only peripherally, including but not limited to gynecologists, lamaze coaches, manufacturers of faulty condoms, and whoever sold your then-underage parents that bottle of Wild Turkey.
Thank you for your business.