Gaming Etiquette

As anyone who's ever played multiplayer video games over the internet knows, everyone playing video games online is twelve years old. The twelve year olds are prone to insult you. If they're winning, they will insult you to make sure you realize they are happy they're winning. If they're losing they'll insult you to make themselves feel better about their gaming skills. These are not their true motivations, however. The reason people playing games online insult everybody they play with or against is that they're playing games online. Anything else is pointless justification.

Fortunately, since the average internet gamer, or "Twelve Year Old" as they prefer to be called, uses as first, last, and often in-between resort various slang terms for homosexual, it's not too difficult to counter their insults. I find that most twelve year olds are incapable of replying to a simple admission of guilt. Allow me to demonstrate this point with a sample conversation which could appear in any popular online game (with translations from l33t to english):

p1mp_H@x0r: U ch33tr! Yer a fagg0t! (You are cheating. This means you must be homosexual.)
Myself: I don't even know HOW to cheat at this game. I am however, quite gay.
p1mp_H@x0r: FAG!FAG!! U FUCKIN FAGGOT! (I feel very strongly about your choice of sexual preference.)
Myself: Hell yes! I mean, have you ever TRIED IT? It's the only way to fly!
p1mp_H@x0r: U fag u suck dicks fag fag assfuckr (I wish to confirm that you are not only a homosexual, but also participate in acts of homosexual sex.)
Myself: Only if they reciprocate. Say, what are you doing after this game?

At this point it's not uncommon for the twelve year old to leave the server, even if that means the victory is forfeited to you. Another good solution is to point out that you are in fact female, and a lesbian. Many gamers will become so distracted by the thought of interacting in any way, even if only an online game, with an actual lesbian that their playing will suffer drastically.