Monkey Told Me To

Occasionally I find myself standing in the middle of a mall with a vague idea of a product, no idea why I really want it, and even less idea how I actually got there. Through extensive research and video self-surveillance I've managed to track down the cause of this behavior. I blame the increased use of monkeys, particularly chimpanzees, in television commercials.

Once I spent two hours clicking on stupid ad things because the website had all sorts of monkeys and they kept telling me to look at these special offers from their sponsers. There was something or other about prizes, too, but I wasn't very concerned with that. I was just doing what the monkeys said.

Whenever I see trailers for Tim Burton's remake of Planet of the Apes, one of the apes says "Bow your head!" I do, but I usually kinda peek because I want to see the rest of the damn dirty monkeys. One commercial for this documentary ended with one of the monkeys looking straight out at the audience and saying "Kill them all!" So, well, I'm really sorry about this, folks...